Hi Ksenia, so happy to have you here! To start, tell us 5 facts about yourself.

So I feel like the most important fact for this newsletter that I have to preface all my answers with is that I am actually no longer an academic 🙂 I was doing a PhD in biochemistry and quit just at the beginning of the pandemic. I’m not completely closing the door on science, but right now I am happy where I am. Other facts - I grew up in Estonia but in the past 12 years, I’ve lived in 5 countries before settling in Austria. It’s been almost 5 years, the longest stretch I've ever spent anywhere not counting my home country, and I’m starting to get an itch in my feet to move somewhere new. I have a 5-month-old who is the cheekiest baby ever and a carbon copy of my husband (and sometimes I get frustrated when yet another person tells me that!). Apart from yoga, my big love - and what helped me stay sane through studies and working in academia - is dancing salsa. We kept dancing with my husband even throughout my pregnancy for as long as my belly allowed, and I’m sure it was also really helpful, both physically and for my mood and mental health. 

Recently you became a mother, congratulations! Would you sat this experience changed you? If yes, in what ways?

Thank you! I can’t say (yet) if it has changed me, more so motherhood has unleashed something that’s already been part of me - my fiercely loving and protective mama bear side 🙂. It’s also been a great mirror, showing me very clearly some patterns and habitual reactions that I don’t necessarily like in myself but maybe was not as aware of before, and inspiring me to work on them.

How are you doing today? What your typical day looks like now?

I’m honestly doing quite well. I am trying to embrace the fact that everything is a phase and things change very rapidly, both good and bad, and not clinging to how something used to be or tricks that used to work has helped me a lot. For example, recently my son started napping in the crib instead of only sleeping in the carrier on me during the day (I love a good contact nap but he is also getting quite heavy!), but the naps are currently still very short. During our carrier nap days, I felt like I could do some work or take care of the house while he was sleeping, and these days it’s more difficult. But there is no point regretting this change and worrying about not getting things done because before I know it, he will grow, our routine will shift again, and I will have some of my time back. So I am enjoying longer wake windows when we can play, sing and interact a lot, it’s becoming so fun! And during his short naps, I’m mostly just resting instead of trying to be productive (sometimes I even manage to follow the most annoying advice to new parents - to sleep when the baby sleeps - and take a nap with him, those are the sweetest).

Initially, I did my training simply because yoga has been so helpful in my life and I wanted to deepen my practice and know more about other aspects of yoga besides postures. But after graduating, I thought - if it had been so powerful and helpful for me, why can’t I use my knowledge and personal experience to help others with similar struggles? This is how Shanti Science Yoga was born 🙂 “Shanti” means “inner peace” or just peace in general, so the name had a dual meaning for me: that yoga is the science of inner peace and also that it can be used as a tool to help (sometimes stressed-out and overwhelmed) scientists feel more at peace. Ultimately I hope that together we can be the change and make the academic environment at least a touch more peaceful and pleasant to work in.

How did yoga help you in pregnancy and in the preparation for birth?

I kept practising yoga to some extent and I kept teaching throughout the entire pregnancy, minus the 2-3 most intense weeks of the first trimester morning sickness and the last two weeks before giving birth. Looking back, even despite having my personal practice, I think I didn’t move enough, and I definitely didn’t incorporate enough strength training to support my more flexible body. This has caused some complications closer to the end of pregnancy and for a few weeks after birth. But I believe yoga was instrumental in being well-prepared mentally and for being able to harness my breath to work with contractions. Early labour started about 20-22 hours before my son was born, but I managed to keep my mind off what was happening for most of this time, and we only went to the hospital when I realised I was about to start pushing. When we got to the hospital, I even remember asking my midwives in disbelief if it meant I was fully dilated, as I was so surprised I went through active labour and transition at home. Also, the toe stand pose was a great prep for contractions - if you can do it for 60-90 seconds, you can do anything!

What are the top 3 lessons motherhood taught you so far?

Ooof what a question! I feel like I’m learning something new about myself every day. Perhaps one of the biggest lessons of motherhood for me has been learning to trust my instincts more. I am normally in tune with my intuition, but as a first-time mom, it was hard not to listen to all the advice at first and to not worry that I was doing something wrong, somehow ruining my baby or spoiling him too much. After the first few tough weeks, I realized that in the end only I knew what was best for me and my baby and I decided I was not going to let well-meaning family members or strangers from the internet bully me with sleep or colic relief recommendations 😀 

Another somewhat controversial one is to put the metaphorical oxygen mask on yourself first. Yes, becoming a parent requires some sacrifice and yes, there are days when I am a complete mess with no time to shower or even brush my teeth. But given my tendency towards anxiety and depression even without postpartum hormones in the mix, I needed to be really diligent about doing at least something for myself (basic hygiene doesn’t count 😂), leaving the house without my baby from time to time, finding opportunities to fill my cup even a little each day. Happy, relaxed and more present mama = happier and calmer baby.

And the last big one is presence. Motherhood hit me with a lot of conflicting emotions. Sometimes during particularly hard days or long nights, it’s easy to start wishing that the time could go faster, and then I immediately catch myself thinking that my baby will never be as tiny again and that those will be the moments I’ll miss. So I just try to stay as present as I can with all facets of our days and remember all the little details about my son.

What advice would you give to all academics who would like to become mothers one day?

Definitely do sign up for YFA mamas’ edition newsletter 😀 in all seriousness, this is so helpful! Looking back at my time in academia, I didn’t see many role models. Women had to either sacrifice their dreams of (conventionally successful) academic careers for family, or the dreams of having several kids for their career. Male PIs either had their wives hold the fort at home while they were pursuing their goals or were married to their jobs and not showing much understanding towards parents in their labs. I’ve also heard plenty of horror stories about PIs reacting to PhD students or even postdocs getting pregnant in awful ways, and the idea of having a baby while doing a PhD terrified me. Seeing more positive examples and hearing positive stories of women managing both would’ve been powerful and helpful to ease my fears.

What advice would you give to your younger self?

Another really big question 🙂 I’d say, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and change course if you’re unhappy or you strayed too far from your why or your values, without worrying about sunk cost or the opinions of others.